Ways I Waste Time

my other tumblrs

Three Ply Kleenex (my comic)
During Halftime (NBA stuff)
~ Tuesday, February 18 ~

this was the first time we spoke

iraqe_ahmed: hi 

cricketsmack: hi! iraqe_ahmed! 

iraqe_ahmed: are you busy 

cricketsmack:of course not! not too busy for you! 

iraqe_ahmed: thanx so where are you from 

cricketsmack: don’t you know me at all? i thought we had something special!! 

iraqe_ahme: yea u r so you are from usa ??? 

cricketsmack: how could you not remember me? you said you loved me!! 

iraqe_ahmed: i dont say that i say we can marry and I did not enter the Internet for a long time 

cricketsmack: i can’t believe this i feel like my heart is being crushed how could you do this to me? you’re just like all the others WAIT….DON’T GO ARE YOU THERE?? WHY CAN’T YOU LOVE MEEEE???? 

iraqe_ahmed: Do not think so if you know me well can not say such talk my rights 

cricketsmack: I don’t know what the hell you just said…..but it was beautiful. 

iraqe_ahmed: i dont say i cant love you i say we dont talk a lot 

cricketsmack: you do? really? when can we meet? we can get to know each other immediately! I like puppies…do you like puppies? oh, say you’ll love me…pleaase? 

iraqe_ahmed: yea do u have a mic i want talk you 

cricketsmack: well…why don’t i just come there?? could you send me money?? i have lots of money..it’s just tied up right now. i don’t want this distance to keep us apart. 

iraqe_ahmed: i cant come there becos i need a visa and i say that for you 

cricketsmack: that’s the beauty of it…i can come there!! just send me the money. don’t worry about it. if you want this to work, we’ll need to compromise, muffin. 

*tap tap tap* i’m getting the feeling that you don’t even care. 

iraqe_ahmed: then i dont have a money i tell you that 

cricketsmack: you know what i think? i think you’re lying! I think you don’t love me at all! I think you’re just doing this so that you can get to america! what about my feelings??? what about my heart? my soul? who do you think you are?? 



iraqe_ahmed: no i say that for you when we marry we can Family formation wonderful so why do you want a money if you love me can u send me your phone i want call you 

cricketsmack: if i send you my phone, how will I answer?!?! you’re confusing me 

iraqe_ahmed: no just send me it what i want call you now 

cricketsmack: i’m afraid that this communication problem we have is poisoning our relationship. i’ll miss you. but if you love someone, you set them free. 

iraqe_ahmed: no i dont have any girl in my life 

cricketsmack: that’s a beautiful way to put it. thank you for your clarity. 

iraqe_ahmed: I am telling you everything about my life and now your phone number 

cricketsmack: you can guess my phone number!!???!?? That’s incredible! 

iraqe_ahmed: how 

cricketsmack: is this a riddle? i’ve got to go. my wife’s home

Tags: IMs okcupid romance
~ Monday, February 17 ~

my big molten rhino

(8:48:50 pm)eyarunu:hi 

(8:49:23 pm)cricketsmack:helloooo 

(8:49:33 pm)eyarunu:how are you doing 

(8:49:48 pm)cricketsmack:fantastically. and yourself? 

(8:49:56 pm)eyarunu:am fine 

(8:49:59 pm)eyarunu:what are u up to? 

(8:50:19 pm)cricketsmack:Just waiting for you, big boy. 

(8:50:59 pm)eyarunu:me? 

(8:51:04 pm)eyarunu:where do u live? 

(8:52:07 pm)cricketsmack:Where do you want me to live, hot face? 

(8:52:54 pm)cricketsmack:Are you still there? 

(8:53:36 pm)eyarunu:am here\ 

(8:53:47 pm)eyarunu:i dont understand what u mean by hot face 

(8:53:51 pm)eyarunu:i live in malaysia 

(8:53:56 pm)cricketsmack:oh good. I thought you left me like the others. 

(8:54:07 pm)cricketsmack:Your face. It’s hot like fire, big boy. 

(8:54:17 pm)cricketsmack:Hot like MOLTEN LAVA. 

(8:54:24 pm)cricketsmack:big like A RHINO. 

(8:57:29 pm)eyarunu:hey what are u up to? here 

(8:57:51 pm)cricketsmack:you already asked me that. are you not listening to me at all? 

(8:57:58 pm)cricketsmack:God you’re just like every other guy 

(8:58:13 pm)cricketsmack:don’t you even care? 

(8:58:18 pm)eyarunu:am listening u keep talkin what i dont understand 

(8:58:27 pm)eyarunu:i think that is why people leave 

(8:58:37 pm)eyarunu:try to be kool in ur conversation ok 

(8:58:50 pm)cricketsmack:Ohhhh. so it’s my fault. 

(8:59:20 pm)cricketsmack:Our communication problems have nothing to do with you. 

(9:00:30 pm)cricketsmack:And there you go again. Running away. 

(9:00:38 pm)eyarunu:am here 

(9:00:51 pm)eyarunu:hey am here looking for a soulmate 

(9:00:53 pm)cricketsmack:I don’t think you’ve ever really been here, eyarunu 

(9:01:01 pm)eyarunu:are u married or have a bf? 

(9:01:12 pm)cricketsmack:both. 

(9:01:42 pm)cricketsmack:but don’t tell my wife. she’s weird about me sleeping with men. 

(9:02:55 pm)eyarunu:are u a man? 

(9:03:11 pm)cricketsmack:do you want me to be a man? 

(9:03:21 pm)cricketsmack:I can be anything you want, my big molten rhino 

(9:04:12 pm)eyarunu:bye 

(9:04:22 pm)cricketsmack:wait! don’t go! I might be a woman!

Tags: IMs okcupid romance
1 note
~ Sunday, February 16 ~

awkwardly waiting

(11:54:23 am)greg931:u horny? 

(11:54:49 am)cricketsmack:im allweys horni 4 u! 

(11:55:05 am)cricketsmack:lets do it 

(11:55:18 am)greg931:do u got a web cam or a digital cam? 

(11:55:31 am)cricketsmack:no 

(11:55:40 am)cricketsmack:i jus wanna do it 

(11:55:40 am)greg931:can i call u? 

(11:56:05 am)cricketsmack:no way, man. last time i did that this guy woodnt stop callin for weeks 

(11:56:16 am)cricketsmack:im relly good 

(11:56:19 am)greg931:i only call once 

(11:56:33 am)cricketsmack:oh, so ur that kinda guy 

(11:56:39 am)cricketsmack:wut a pig 

(11:56:49 am)cricketsmack:do u wanna do it or not ur wastin my time 

(11:56:58 am)greg931:yea but how? 

(11:57:09 am)cricketsmack:talk to me 

(11:57:31 am)greg931:wut u wearin? 

(11:58:23 am)greg931:wut wuld we do if i were there? 

(11:58:31 am)cricketsmack:im wearing a blue tank top with these sequin things on it with a blue shirt over it that has kind of diagonal stripes and really flatters my waist. Also a pair of jeans, some stripey socks and brown tennis shoes. 

(11:58:43 am)cricketsmack:we would probably stand here awkwardly waiting for the police to arrive. 

(11:59:04 am)greg931:not 

(11:59:06 am)greg931:lol 

(11:59:16 am)greg931:wuts yer tittie size? 

(11:59:40 am)cricketsmack:I don’t have breasts, if that’s what you’re asking. I do have a rather large penis, though. * wink* 

greg931 went missing. We will deliver your message to their inbox if they do not return in the next few minutes.

Tags: IMs okcupid romance cybersex
1 note
~ Saturday, February 15 ~

hot cybersex

(12:15:47 pm)someguy:hi, I love your mohawk…:) 

(12:16:02 pm)cricketsmack:i love YOUR ‘no image’! 

(12:16:04 pm)someguy:do you still keep it? 

(12:16:10 pm)cricketsmack:yes. 

(12:16:48 pm)someguy:have you ever shaved your head smooth? 

(12:17:07 pm)cricketsmack:yes. 

(12:17:09 pm)cricketsmack:i have 

(12:17:42 pm)someguy:I was thinking of shaving my head bald 

(12:17:57 pm)cricketsmack:nice 

(12:18:27 pm)someguy:thanks, I was wondering what the female race would think 

(12:18:38 pm)cricketsmack:our whole RACE will love it 

(12:19:03 pm)someguy:I think women with shaved/mohawks are very sexy… 

(12:19:22 pm)cricketsmack:thanks 

(12:27:26 pm)someguy:how do you keep yourself trimmed below the belt? 

(12:27:43 pm)cricketsmack:i have a mohawk everywhere. 

(12:28:15 pm)someguy:great look, how wide is your hawk down below? 

(12:28:45 pm)cricketsmack:it’s thin, but long. I put it in cornrows 

(12:28:57 pm)someguy:cornrows? 

(12:29:15 pm)someguy:you soooo funny…:) 

(12:29:34 pm)cricketsmack:I’m not being funny. 

(12:31:04 pm)cricketsmack:so what are you wearing, big boy? 

(12:31:21 pm)someguy:jeans 

(12:31:35 pm)cricketsmack:hot. undo them 

(12:31:55 pm)cricketsmack:tell me when they’re undone. 

(12:32:05 pm)someguy:ok 

(12:32:30 pm)cricketsmack:then take your hand, ball it into a fist 

(12:32:39 pm)cricketsmack:and punch yourself REALLY FUCKING HARD in the junk. 

(12:32:43 pm)cricketsmack:and have a lovely day

Tags: IMs okcupid cybersex
1 note
~ Friday, February 14 ~

russian reversal cybersex

************: hey
cricketsmack: hows it going?
************: good how are ya?
cricketsmack: alright
cricketsmack: because you messaged me, i think you bear the burden of coming up with conversation…or are we just gonna cyber?
************: haha
************: well conversation is good, I’m just bore and can’t sleep
cricketsmack: *nod*
************: but we could cyber
cricketsmack: cool.
************: if you like
cricketsmack: alright.
************: do you have a webcam?
cricketsmack: so…what do you like?
cricketsmack: nope
************: damn I was gonna get naked
cricketsmack: and my not having a webcam prevents that?
cricketsmack: what if naked got you?
************: well, I was gonna get naked for you… 
cricketsmack: OH
cricketsmack: damn
cricketsmack: can we still talk?
************: yeah
cricketsmack: so…what do you like?
************: your legs
cricketsmack: yeah?
cricketsmack: i think my legs like you.
************: do you have a shaved pussy?
cricketsmack: no…but my pussy shaves me.
************: haha cool
cricketsmack: is that what you like?
************: yeah
cricketsmack: what would you want to do to it?
************: no, I’d just eat it aftwe it’s shaved
************: after*
cricketsmack: oooo
cricketsmack: god…my pussy wants to eat you.
************: haha
************: are you touching yourself?
cricketsmack: yes…
cricketsmack: i am so wet.
cricketsmack: and wet is so me.
************: good
cricketsmack: is that what you want?
************: deffimitely
cricketsmack: tell me
************: first lick me
************: get me all wet
cricketsmack: oh…god…wet is getting all you.
************: then stand up on the bed and turn your back to me
************: then, lower yourself on my cock
cricketsmack: the bed might stand up on me.
cricketsmack: and then your cock could lower itself on you!!
************: haha
cricketsmack: you still there?
************: yeah I’m here
cricketsmack: oh good. here is you.
cricketsmack: are we done?
cricketsmack: has cyber sexed you?
************: no, it’s just your turn
************: can you do the splits?
cricketsmack: no. but splits CAN do me.
cricketsmack: who is splits?
************: geez
************: later
************’s IM window is closed
Tags: IMs okcupid russian reversal cybersex
~ Thursday, February 13 ~

america: the city that never sleeps

(3:54:19 pm)racheid:hello 

(3:54:32 pm)cricketsmack:hi there 

(3:54:47 pm)racheid:my name is rachid im from morocco and u ? 

(3:55:08 pm)cricketsmack: silly boy! i’m mary! from the america! 

(3:55:15 pm)cricketsmack:we talked a long time ago 

(3:55:21 pm)cricketsmack:but you never said hello again. 

(3:55:28 pm)cricketsmack:I thought you had forgotten about me! 

(3:55:44 pm)cricketsmack:I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve been so lonely. 

(3:55:53 pm)cricketsmack:Just waiting for you to talk to me again. 

(3:56:02 pm)cricketsmack:I turned down everyone else who talked to me. 

(3:56:15 pm)cricketsmack:Are you there, racheid? 

(3:56:56 pm)racheid:yes my mary 

(3:57:11 pm)racheid:i like talk with u too but you dont come here 

(3:57:28 pm)cricketsmack:I do come here! I come here everyday. and wait all day 

(3:57:33 pm)cricketsmack:for you, my dear rachid 

(3:57:40 pm)cricketsmack:When shall we get married? 

(3:57:43 pm)racheid:thnks you are sweet 

(3:58:10 pm)racheid:when u want 

(3:58:46 pm)cricketsmack:oh, as soon as you can. i didn’t want to tell you like this…but after the last time we talked…well, i think i’m pregnant 

(3:59:14 pm)racheid:with who 

(3:59:36 pm)cricketsmack:i don’t know! maybe jesus!! 

(3:59:51 pm)cricketsmack:but that’s not important, love. we’ll talk baby names later. 

(3:59:59 pm)cricketsmack:for now, we have to sort out how you will move here. 

(4:00:20 pm)cricketsmack:I couldn’t possibly move to morroco. I don’t even like africa! 

(4:00:36 pm)cricketsmack:so is the america okay with you? 

(4:00:53 pm)racheid:come to me and we can move together 

(4:01:42 pm)cricketsmack:i’m afraid of lions! 

(4:01:49 pm)cricketsmack:i can get you here! 

(4:02:07 pm)cricketsmack:i have a cousin who can fly a helicopter. how far is morroco? a couple hours? 

(4:02:12 pm)racheid:im not in africa im in morocco we havnt lion 

(4:02:14 pm)cricketsmack:i will save for gas money, my love 

(4:02:54 pm)cricketsmack:oh….well, i won’t worry about the lions there, then. hahaha! 

(4:03:01 pm)cricketsmack:sorry. i’m not good at geometry. 

(4:03:09 pm)cricketsmack:How do I get there? 

(4:03:10 pm)racheid:ok 

(4:03:25 pm)racheid:buy ticket and come 

(4:03:32 pm)racheid:of flight 

(4:04:16 pm)cricketsmack:why don’t you just come here, though? 

(4:04:27 pm)cricketsmack:I don’t know if I should fly while i’m pregnant 

(4:05:02 pm)racheid:i cant my sweet i need visa its not easy to get it 

(4:05:30 pm)racheid:i can wait u forvere 

(4:05:33 pm)cricketsmack:sure it is! just about anybody can get one nowadays. and you don’t have to have good credit, even! 

(4:05:34 pm)racheid:forever 

(4:05:56 pm)cricketsmack:awww. i can wait u forever, too 

(4:06:17 pm)racheid:u have msn or yahoo its better 

(4:06:36 pm)cricketsmack:I do! hold on, let me get that for you. 

(4:06:48 pm)racheid:ok love 

(4:07:17 pm)cricketsmack:oh here. add me on yahoo with : youareclearlyamoron@yahoo.com and iwillwaityourfaceforever@hotmail.com for msn 

(4:07:18 pm)cricketsmack:<3 

(4:07:21 pm)cricketsmack:talk to you soon! 

(4:08:09 pm)racheid:when 

(4:08:35 pm)cricketsmack:tomorrow morning. BRIGHT AND EARLY <3 

(4:08:47 pm)racheid:i will work tomorrow 

(4:08:53 pm)racheid:after tomorow 

(4:08:59 pm)cricketsmack:perfect! 

(4:09:03 pm)cricketsmack:i’m on ALL THE TIME 

(4:09:16 pm)cricketsmack:and the america is the city that never sleeps. 

(4:10:48 pm)cricketsmack:okay. time for prayer! bye! 

(4:11:08 pm)racheid:when u come back

Tags: IMs okcupid romance
1 note
~ Friday, March 15 ~
Tags: okcupid match questions ways i waste time my value system could beat up your value system questions of morality honesty is for suckas
1 note
~ Thursday, March 14 ~
Tags: questions answers government conspiracy florida is a lot like the moon i guess ways i waste time
~ Tuesday, December 11 ~
Tags: answers questions we were all wondering it and someone had to say it no answer necessary here
1 note
~ Monday, December 10 ~
Tags: okcupid.com match questions answers okcupid spelled slushy wrong guys slushee? what do you mean tuna slushy? don't be disgusting these flavors are disgusting it's difficult to walk the line with the misreading ones
2 notes